Well, my friend (we will call him Subject Nix) asked me to write about him in my blog. My initial thought was, but I would just be doing another likes and dislikes list. But then it dawned on me; I could tell a story! So here we go.
The ewww factor
It all started in grade four. You see, in grade four I was a new kid to XYZ elementary school. But luckily, I didn’t have to share the burden alone. I got to share the outcaste newbie position with a boy named (to your knowledge) Subject Nix. Nix was your stereotypical elementary boy with his cute face and bazar/rude attitude, but to my lonely and shy younger self, he was a potential best friend. Mainly because he and I had come to the school in the same year, which was more in common than I had with any of the other students.
But with the evil and unforgiving elementary mindset, he and all the boys in my class, assumed that my younger self being kind to him (in efforts to befriend him) was all because I was deeply in love with him. And, of course, girls are gross and have diseases; therefore I “having a crush on him” (which I did not) became a subject of ridicules and bullying. Don’t get me wrong, this did not happen overnight. It was quite a small thing in grade four, but by grade six it had grown into what I like to call ‘”the ewww factor”.
The ewww factor was displayed when I would walk by Nix in the hallway, minding my own business, and he would proclaim very loudly “ewwwwww!” and lean far away from me as if I was emitting a nasty odor or contagious with an intestine melting disease. If someone were to do that to me now, it would just roll off my shoulder and I wouldn’t care or be affected by it. But in middle school I was very fragile and cared about what people thought. So when this happened for a long period of time on end, I was beginning to feel dejected and gross. Like something was wrong with me.
Then it got worse. The boys of the school started noticing Nix’s reaction to my presence and thought there was something wrong with me. Next thing I knew, I was the “gross loser girl” to most of the guys of the school. It sucked big time. With constant ridicule from a majority of the male population in the school (and some of the female too), my confidence plummeted.
This bullying regime continued strait till grade nine, where it suddenly disappeared into thin air. (I blame their hormones kicking in) But this is not a sad story. Because through this trial, I became immune to words of others. I don’t need others to reassure me to feel good and confident about myself like most (almost all) high school girls (and boys). I’m stronger because I truly realised their opinions are based on what I think of myself and what they think of themselves. Not who I really am.
The sad part is, to this day, I don’t think Nix understands what he did when he was younger. He might have even thought it was a joke. It might not have even been a blimp on him radar. He’s not a bad guy or a bully. Just a guy who, when he was younger, was trying to be funny and make friends. I don’t hold a grudge. Not in the slightest. But I was horribly confused when he asked me out this year. You have no idea how confused I was, like jaw hanging open and everything. (Again, I believe this was caused by hormones kicking in) And you know what I am still willing to see, after all that’s transpired since grade four, if we can still be the friends I wanted us to be when I was younger. Before all this happened. Because life not worth living if you’re stuck in your past.